Dumpster diving

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Don Lope de Aguirre
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby Don Lope de Aguirre » Tue Feb 24, 2009 5:24 pm

Okay, how much would you charge for lesson one? It would be nice if the first was free.

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niXon
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby niXon » Tue Feb 24, 2009 5:32 pm

The first is always free. You'll need 20 cans or bottles of generic swill, and be able to swing a sack of doorknobs. I'll give you the sack, but you gotta supply your own knobs.
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Don Lope de Aguirre
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby Don Lope de Aguirre » Tue Feb 24, 2009 5:44 pm

I don't have enough doors for that, should I steal the knobs? I think it's immoral to break the law like that.

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Agnes
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby Agnes » Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:42 pm

just climb in the bag yourself.

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niXon
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby niXon » Wed Feb 25, 2009 9:30 am

Don Lope de Aguirre wrote:I don't have enough doors for that, should I steal the knobs? I think it's immoral to break the law like that.


Fine, I can supply you with 15 knobs but you need to find 5 more. Are we going to do this or are you going to keep being silly and live the rest of your life in mediocrity?
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Don Lope de Aguirre
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby Don Lope de Aguirre » Wed Feb 25, 2009 10:38 am

OK, OK, I detached those 5 knobs from my doors this morning. What now?

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niXon
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby niXon » Wed Feb 25, 2009 10:45 am

Right, good. I've left the other 15 outside your door inside the sack, get your 5 knobs and fill the sack. Leave the house (don't worry about locking up, you have no doorknob), and head down to the old mill. Once you get there, you will know exactly what needs to be done (hint: head in the direction of something that doesn't belong) . Report back to me when stage one is completed.
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Don Lope de Aguirre
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby Don Lope de Aguirre » Wed Feb 25, 2009 10:47 am

One more clue please: will what I need to do at the old mill involve using my sack of doorknobs?

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niXon
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby niXon » Wed Feb 25, 2009 10:52 am

Destroy it.
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Don Lope de Aguirre
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby Don Lope de Aguirre » Wed Feb 25, 2009 10:53 am

The doorknobs? Or with the doorknobs?

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niXon
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby niXon » Wed Feb 25, 2009 11:01 am

You will know when you get there, use the clues once you get to the old mill. Find something out of place, head that direction, when you see it, destroy it. YOU WILL KNOE.
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Don Lope de Aguirre
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby Don Lope de Aguirre » Wed Feb 25, 2009 11:01 am

OK. I will make this trip after lunch. Thanks for the doorknobs, by the way. They are very shiny.

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niXon
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby niXon » Wed Feb 25, 2009 11:02 am

Great :angel:
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Don Lope de Aguirre
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby Don Lope de Aguirre » Wed Feb 25, 2009 4:22 pm

Alright, I did as you said, niXon. After eating a roast leg of lamb in the village tavern, I walked through the gardens, past the 16th-century Hapsburg castle, and eventually arrived at the old mill, with my sack of doorknobs over my shoulder (I don't know what you did, but thanks for giving me such a comfortable sack). Before entering, I had a brief rest and being a beuatiful day, I felt inspired to paint a picture of the old wooden mill, sitting confidently there among the flowers, the trees and the waterfall:

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Realising the hour was getting late, I approached the abanadoned building and went towards the door - however, I found the door had no door knob! Taking one out of my bag, I put it in the door, and surprisingly enough, it worked, and the door creaked open. I realised for the first of I'm sure many times just why you had insisted on taking the doorknobs, niXon.

I entered, and took a glance around the room. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness of my environment, they immediately shot upon an incongruously large box sitting in the far-right hand corner. "This must be it - what Tricky Dick has told me to destroy," I thought with an equal quantity of apprehension and excitement as I approached the object.

I opened the box, but before I managed to look inside, a pungent stench from it knocked me off my feet. Recovering, I covered my nose with my shirt and cautiously peered in.

"Christ!" I yelled to myself - "A human head!" Remembering your advice, I collected my emotions - "don't panic," I said to myself, "just do as Nixon told you. This needs to be destroyed... but how, hmmm... " my eyes caught on a large fireplace on the other side of the room, with a sizable pile of firewood next to it. I decided to burn it, and lit a fire.

I'm still here at the old mill, watching the head slowly disappear into ashes. What should I do now, niXon?

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niXon
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby niXon » Wed Feb 25, 2009 4:32 pm

You've done very well in stage one. I am exceedingly happy, however not suprised.

There was but one error in your journey, which I predicted you may not complete, although it is not too late for redemption. Notice the 19 small holes on the floor along the western wall? Put the remaining knobs in these holes, it may take a while to get the correct placement.

THIS NEXT PART IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT:

Turn the first (i.e. most left knob if you face the wall) to the RIGHT, one full turn. Now turn the next to the LEFT one full turn. Continue this sequence down the remaining knobs.

Ensure the door is closed before turning the final knob.
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Don Lope de Aguirre
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby Don Lope de Aguirre » Wed Feb 25, 2009 4:47 pm

I have one question: you have given me one doorknob that is considerably more ornate than the others:

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Do I use this on the final hole? I want to make sure I get this exactly right.

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niXon
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby niXon » Wed Feb 25, 2009 4:58 pm

Yes :), I thought you would be fond of that one. You will find it only fits in one of the holes snugly, and the number of the hole it fits going left to right will be significant to you.
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Don Lope de Aguirre
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby Don Lope de Aguirre » Wed Feb 25, 2009 5:26 pm

As you predicted, this took a while to get right, but I've done as you said, and closed the door like you told me before turning the final knob.

I'm not sure what I just did though - nothing has happened as far as I can te---- oh wait, SHIT, that was a loud fucking sound! Like an explosion of some sort coming not far from the front door. What should I do? Should I go investigate? Or stay right where I am? I'm safe enough in here for now, I think.

NIXON!

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niXon
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby niXon » Wed Feb 25, 2009 5:37 pm

Don't panic, you have summoned her. She will be hostile, and under no circumstances should be taken lightly. Take the ornate knob out of the hole it resides in. There is a wooden pole over in the eastern corner, resting against an old set of shelves from what I can remember. The knob will attach to the top.

This is your weapon, it contains considerable amounts of power. You must now defeat her, and then leave immediately. Bring the ring she wears on her left hand back with you, and you have successfully completed the first stage.
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Rob Anybody
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby Rob Anybody » Wed Feb 25, 2009 5:50 pm

i cant wait to see what happens next
snuff wrote:I hate the whole 'atheist' tag eh, It's not like we have a special name for people who don't believe in Santa, they're just adults.

Huey wrote:Trust me, I am ahead of the curve, you just don't realize it.

"I'm not sure about this one ... I think it's about coming of age, I cant remember much about because when it happened to me it was a long time ago. You could buy a packet of fags, a pint of beer and a three piece suit for half a crown and still have enough left to go and see Rudolf Valentino at the Gaumont! I can't afford to go to the pictures these days but I hear they talk in them now."

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Don Lope de Aguirre
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby Don Lope de Aguirre » Wed Feb 25, 2009 6:20 pm

I heard her footsteps approaching ever closer to the mill door as I urgently pulled the ornate knob out of its hole. Attaching it to the pole, the gold star in its centre lit up brightly, and shone like molten lava.

A rapacious, thundering knocking came from the door and I stopped dead in my tracks. I realised now I had no choice but to wait for Her to come inside to me. With each knock the adrenaline shot faster and faster through my body, and my imagination went into overdrive as I contemplated what monstrous form this she-demon would assume. I held my weapon firmly as the rest of the knob began to light up in a dazzling display of colour. Then the knocking stopped briefly. I waited thirty seconds. What could she be doing? And then I heard it. With tremendous power, the door came crashing down and, behind a cloak of dust and smoke, this figure appeared, roaring inhumanly:

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A succubus! I took cover as she shot out a venomous liquid at me. Holding up my door knob, I commanded it to fire, and a red laser-like beam shot out from it, just missing the succubus' thigh!

"Who sent you?" she roared out, "and why are you disturbing the ancient spirits of the Kunka-Dom?"
"I don't know! Nixon sent me here! Nixon!"
"Hahahaha", she replied menacingly. "I don't care. You will die."

With a lightning-quick movement, she flew over my head and again shot out the liquid which burnt a hole in my upper arm as I ran for safety.

What can I do? I asked myself, in total fear. Then I saw the fire, burning fiercely. What I need to do is direct her into there! The combination of the fire and the spirit of the dead man's head will vaporise her!

It was here I discovered another power of the Magic Doorknob. At my command, it hooked onto the succubus like a magnet and left her paralyzed. Before directing her to the fire, I remembered to remove the golden ring from her hand:

Then, all I had to was direct her into the fire. Watching her struggle, I felt a deep satisfaction and as she vapourised, screaming, the sight was something like this:

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Desperate for a drink, I walked back to the village tavern, and ordered a pint of ale.
"You're looking a bit worse for wear!" Tom the Bartender chuckled heartily.
"It's been a long day," I replied, and collapsed on a seat.

Well, that's stage one completed. Have I done well enough, Nixon? I must say this adventure has left me with many unanswered questions - just what is it you do with your life?
Last edited by Don Lope de Aguirre on Wed Feb 25, 2009 6:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Dennis from Accounts
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby Dennis from Accounts » Wed Feb 25, 2009 6:35 pm

All this talk of knobs and holes has left me rather randy.

Somebody let me chuck it up
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Sasquatch
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby Sasquatch » Wed Feb 25, 2009 6:36 pm

You guys are so fucking gay.
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Andrew_TA
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby Andrew_TA » Wed Feb 25, 2009 7:01 pm

Sasquatch wrote:You guys are so fucking awesome.
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steeltoedsneakers
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby steeltoedsneakers » Thu Feb 26, 2009 8:45 am

Andrew_TA wrote:
Sasquatch wrote:You guys are so fucking awesome.
dream comfort memory despair

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niXon
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby niXon » Thu Feb 26, 2009 10:14 am

I trust you spent much of last night at the tavern, you will have needed it. Please, do not mention my name to anyone you may meet at the tavern and surrounding businesses. If they discover there is going to be another uprising, my plans, and your enlightenment will be thwarted.

You have done well, and have been through a lot. I know how much this is to take in, so I am glad you were able to simmer your thoughts over a pint of Tom's finest.

My life is one that revolves around several earthen elements. Every one has great meaning and adventure surrounding it. I cannot tell you exactly it is that I do, because quite frankly it would make no sense, and is something that must be discovered by oneself. Think about it, this journey has been entirely of your doing. You came to me and asked for guidance. *chuckles* I of course had anticipated this, but left the true embrace of the journey up to you.

The fire element has been returned. We can now progress into the second stage.

Take the elemental ring to a working girl named Candy, she knows what you must do. Candy walks the streets and alleys of the town. Don't worry about finding her, as she will find you. Wear the ring, and be sure to take your staff. Take your staff everywhere. Danger lurks around every corner..
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Rob Anybody
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Re: Dumpster diving

Postby Rob Anybody » Thu Feb 26, 2009 11:15 am

tl;dr
snuff wrote:I hate the whole 'atheist' tag eh, It's not like we have a special name for people who don't believe in Santa, they're just adults.

Huey wrote:Trust me, I am ahead of the curve, you just don't realize it.

"I'm not sure about this one ... I think it's about coming of age, I cant remember much about because when it happened to me it was a long time ago. You could buy a packet of fags, a pint of beer and a three piece suit for half a crown and still have enough left to go and see Rudolf Valentino at the Gaumont! I can't afford to go to the pictures these days but I hear they talk in them now."


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