dustbinflowers wrote:We had dates Mutante. Well, a cask of wine on the couch. I do fondly remember that awesome french restuarant you took me to.
If I recall correctly it was beer. Something horrid like Stella. What's more it was all almost derailed at the last minute by that mental bitch from down the road bursting in and ranting at length about how hard done by her arsehole bonehead boyfriend was and how everybody was out to get them and various other unwanted details of her utterly fucking pointless life. I did a decent job getting rid of her, pity she returned not long afterwards and tried to kill my hall fungus in his sleep.
Also, that wasn't a "date". I don't do "dates". My cruel historical overlords may have been a bunch of nasty inbred gin swilling bastards who brutally oppressed my Baldrick-like ancestors and invaded the lands of my other ancestors taking their swords off them and making them wear trousers. They may have been an ancient and vicious cabal of born to rule scum who then proceeded to invade everyone else's ancestors and heap further indignities upon them whilst taking all their shit. It goes without saying that they were heartless vampiric monsters and shameless imperialists responsible for the deprivation of millions and richly deserving of a violent revolution which sadly never happened.
That said, they didn't colour half the map pink so I could go on "dates". That is a term belonging to the benighted and decaying republic that gave us nuclear weapons and a talking fucking mouse and it can stay there. It is a term that makes me as nauseous as the reruns of the Brady Bunch I often force myself to watch out of depravity and masochism.
No, I don't go on "dates". I "take a lady out about the town". So there.
kitten_slayer wrote:You are the guy on punkas who looks kind of like Johnny Deep innit?
Well that would be the whole point. Seeing that women tend to respond to me on a scale that runs from indifference to absolute horror, I should imagine I'm ready for quite a bit of homo. Prepare your arsehole to be reamed violently with the force of all the frustration and shitty vibes my festering middle aged body can muster.
I hope you like being split in half.