The Trivial Irritations Thread

[General Mutante]

So I went to one of the cafes on the university campus today for some lunch. It's built so you go in one door, order a coffee if you want one, pick what food you want from a buffet and then pay for it before you leave through the other door.

This is a system so simple I would expect your average lab rat to have no problems at all figuring it out. A giant weta would probably have it sussed after some gentle coaxing. Human fucking beings on the other hand fuck it all up by shuffling about in a random fashion like they're on fucking thorazine.

Maybe it's because I'm half English. My people invented queuing in an orderly fashion. They even queued politely for air-raid shelters when being bombed by the fucking Luftwaffe, making polite chit chat about "Hitler, that rotter, he's spoiled tea time."

Then the dipshit cunt in front of me begins dilly dallying about over what he's going to have for lunch. If there is one thing I do not tolerate in my presence it is dilly dallying of any sort, especially when the dilly dallier then asks the dinner lady "What's the difference between ham and pumpkin quiche and cheese and asparagus?"

There's two things wrong here:

a) He's a fucking idiot, and

b) He's a quiche eating cunt.

Jesus fuck. You're a fucking university student. I hope for everyone's sake that he wasn't an engineer otherwise there's going to be some kind of cataclysmic bridge collapse in the near future and that arsehole's name will be all over it.

The dinner lady, a true working class hero who in any decent world would be rendered in bronze 30 feet high triumphantly wielding the Spatula of the People, dead pan as fuck told him, "The difference is one has ham and pumpkin, and the other one has cheese and asparagus."

I would have beaten him to death with a tray. It would have been an act of mercy.

Have any other readers been similarly dismayed by such displays of blatant fuckwittery lately?

[scott penk]

more of a darwin award / loal than an irritation but blatant fuckwittery anyway..

ten minutes ago was waiting to cross the road, there are 2 ways to cross as its a T intersection, and 2 high school kids are having some highly important conversation between themselves, when the buzzer goes to cross in one direction - the kids dont bother to check if its the right direction for them and step out in front of a bus and a station wagon. the whole thing seemed slow motion and i was ready for the splatter but somehow the dudes didnt get hit - just stopped and stared at the bus screeching to a halt 1 meter away from him, then turned around and walked back to the traffic island

[General Mutante]

Why do teenagers talk really fast like they're chipmunks these days?

Pisses the fuck out of me. Maybe I'm just getting old. Mind you, I've always been like that. One of my best friends is a 58 year old situationist who used to run a bookshop.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fc1HbqyM15k[/youtube]

[xSUSPECTx]

i was just coming back from a mates today and i came upon one of those idiots in a waaay to big mercedes that feel that if they pull halfway into a road its ok if they just stop, i dont know why they think this, probably just cos everyone is scared of paying for their car when they hit it, im fuckin not, but instinct prevails, and i move left to avoid the assjabbing moron, what this means is that im quite far left, now, a pretty good looking young lady riding one of those light as air 10speed style bikes comes swooping out of the side road the merc driver had lately departed, she probably should be looking where shes going, cos im watching her and she aint looking at me, i fuckin swerve at the last second and she looks at me with this 'oh, there goes a car' look on her vacant face.

i dont know how come im the one with the cops chasing me everywhere i go, those two idiots dont have half my spatial awareness put together, and they are EXACTLY the type of cunts that like to boast they have never had a traffic violation.

i might go out and key some fucking cars tonight, just to use up all that extra karma im owed.

[General Mutante]

At least the chick on the bike was hot, and there was almost the potential for some roadkill necrophiliac action there.

The driver of the Mercedes on the other hand was probably a sweaty fat cunt. I'm willing to bet he stopped where he did because his field of vision had turned bright blue due to all the viagra in his system taken to enable maximum whore hopping potential.

[wassup rockers]

yeah so many dumb cunts on the road yet i'm the one that isn't allowed to drive for a couple months... the other day i was driving down this pretty big road and, driving a holden something 4x4, i-own-the-road-bitches motherfucker decides to come out this side street from my side to the other side of the one i'm on, basically he has to go infront of me to get to the other side gnome sayin, i see him pulling out but then he stops infront of me because he sees a car coming down on the other side, then he sees me approaching and just boosts infront of the other car to avoid me going into him and narrowly misses the other car going into him, the other car looked like a mother driving and probably had a kid inside so it's just stupid. the guy could've waited for me and the other car to just go because, aside from us, the road was empty. some people

[Honist Ta Hu]

cunts that hoon about in flash Holdens and Fords thinking they own the whole fucking world are one of my biggest hatreds.

[toothbrush]

of course they own the roads. they pay way more in tax than you cos they use way more petrol

[cracker jack]

I was sitting at a bus stop yesterday and some girl dressed to the nines came and sat down next to me, she wasn't really irritating but what bothered me was a roll of duct tape fell out of her bag.
What the fuck was she doing with that??

[Sicinius]

Please, for the love of god, if you're in a tight walkway or walking up a flight of steps, or standing on an escalator, just fucking stay to the fucking left, you miserable pieces of shit.

[Dead Kid]

I was sitting at a bus stop yesterday and some girl dressed to the nines came and sat down next to me, she wasn't really irritating but what bothered me was a roll of duct tape fell out of her bag.
What the fuck was she doing with that??

Every geek knows the usefulness of duct tape. You should've chatted her up.

[ruff]

Please, for the love of god, if you're in a tight walkway or walking up a flight of steps, or standing on an escalator, just fucking stay to the fucking left, you miserable pieces of shit.

this.

[BigBadBazza]

here in London, especially on the tube escalators it seems to be to the right.

[CowzOr]

This thread is lacking racial vibes so here's one:

I'm not going to name them but they are known for being terrible drivers and having delicious food.
However the bad driving also extends to the swimming pool. In the lanes you swim on the left hand side so that once you get to the end you can swim back down the left hand side. It's like a loop and you don't have collisions.

In theory. Unless you are one of them in which case you swim on the wrong side, stop for no reason and just stand in the lane as people swim around you BECAUSE YOU'RE IN THE FUCKING WAY and also go in the wrong speed lane.

Also I swear to god I've seen a couple of the older guys spit into the pool after sucking up a big phlegm ball.

Just no. Get out of the pool. It's closed. Pools closed.

[sam-antha]

Washing sieves.

[wassup rockers]

AUT tower, you people who push all the buttons as you exit the lift o nthe ground floor so everyone next has to go to each fucking floor before theirs. it's not even that funny for you, you have to leave the building anyway so whats the fucking point, dickhead.

oh and you people who are perfectly able to walk up two flights of stairs but use the elevator to level 2 when its jam packed and people are rushing to get to classes. just walk you fuck.

[CowzOr]

One of the AUT buildings the elevator wouldn't stop at 1 & 2 for that reason

Also when you get up, and realise you need a shower, and breakfast, and FFS I did those things yesterday already

[the croc]

This thread is lacking pictures so here is the shit cube, I hate this car. Saw one the other day driven by some soccer mum with big "Mumma's Hummer" stickers on the front and back windscreen. Awful pieces of shit.

[refrigerator]

Thoroughly enjoyed the original post. Well written, good humourous content.

[FC]

One of the AUT buildings the elevator wouldn't stop at 1 & 2 for that reason

I wish ours did that. Im on the 8th floor and constantly have students going to the third floor when im in there, because thats where the bridging programs are. Stupid and lazy. I mean shit, even I dont catch the lift unless im going more than three floors up, and I am fucking lazy as hell. I've had words with a few of them, but they always just look sheepish or come up with some stupid line, I want to punch them all in their stupid fucking mouths. I once had a first year try and catch a ride from the 2nd to the 1st floor while I was going up to the 8th, I told him to get the fuck out and he went red and stepped out of the lift. Made my day.



Aidan

[xSUSPECTx]

hangovers irritate me, i drink heavily to wring some enjoyment out of my miserable life, i didnt sign up for this shit, what do you mean 'paying for last night' im pretty sure i had to pay at the bar and the bottle store, hangovers are like taxation from god, fuck hes a miserable old cunt.

[wassup rockers]

also had someone go 1 floor fucking DOWN. i mean, it's lazy as it is going 3 floors (or less) UP, for fucks sakes. the dude sniggered on his way out the elevator, i wanted to ram my foot up his rear

[BigBadBazza]

cunts who wet the ends of joints.

[daggers]

ratshit teenagers who hang out at the mall - and play music from their cellphones as they walk around

[Phlegethon]

people who take up all of the road slowing down when they are about to pull into a road on the right... when there is a median strip available.

people who drive slow

people who walk slow

indecision

pseudo-hippes

pseudo-rastas

im a pretty tolerant person, but even i have my limits.

[sam-antha]

people who walk at the same speed as you, like catching up to you then not passing you. this is MY SPEED, get your own. dickhead.

[Livestock]

cunts who wet the ends of joints.

QFT.

fuckin stupid fuckin PEOPLE WHO PLAY THEIR FUCKIN MP3 PLAYERS AS LOUD AS THEY FUCKIN CAN ON THE TRAIN.
It's always some shitty fuckin greasy haired 17 year old with some vocoder'd voice screaching out of the fucking thing.

It's like they don't realise they are saying "Hi guys, check out how shit my musical taste is"

Yesterday I moved to the other end of the carriage but I could still hear it. So I went up to him and said "Have you got some headphones there dude" Took his dumb ass 5 minutes to understand what I was saying, any way that winds me up.

[xSUSPECTx]

people who take up all of the road slowing down when they are about to pull into a road on the right... when there is a median strip available.

this winds me up too, altho its more often people turning left out of heavy traffic, pull over left first you inconsiderate fucker, do you think youre driving an Atrain? you dont need the whole fuckin road, and you dont need to slow down so much, hell you could go round at 50k quite safely, if you really must brake heavily THEN GET OUT OF MY WAY BEFORE YOU DO IT!

its old people usually, sometimes its one of those gormless looking middle aged swine that just live like they are elderly.

[daggers]

this is MY SPEED, get your own. dickhead.

[Marrow]

People.
And people that cant spell, or insist on using text language or a combination of Uppercase and Lowercase.
Kids.