The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

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beeswax
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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby beeswax » Thu Oct 15, 2009 3:30 pm

so see yous fullas at the Adelaide this weekend for Johnny's show, it's going to be fucken awesome.... damn Adelaide is closing down soon after too so damn lucky cos it had to be there..

Anyway here's a Johnny story from Jennie...
"johnny and i go melbourne for the wildhearts cant find anywhere to stay end up at the hilton they've got one of those revolving doors so i go in through the door i think johnny is getting in behind me and then the door jams and i am pushing pushing really hard until finally johhnys say after i have crushed him for a good 4 pushes went AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH he was crushed in the door!@!! sheesh we fall into the hilton pusssing oursleves laughing and get told we have to have more ettiquittee !@@$#%@&^ ha ha cant even spell it cos i am wasted"

and another from someone else
Johnny lived with me for a few weeks. There was one time, it was 4am or something, that man, couldn't use the front door, instead he jumped through the my bedroom window and broke everything on the way through. but he had a back pack of beer which made up for it.

Aaaaaaah Johnny, hope I don't embarrass myself by blubbering at your gig!
xoxox
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xSUSPECTx
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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby xSUSPECTx » Fri Oct 16, 2009 9:24 pm

im sorry i wont be at this gig, have fun kids

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erinfection
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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby erinfection » Wed Oct 21, 2009 8:44 pm

The gig was good. I liked it lots.
Erun.
BLUEPOWERADE wrote:If you havent set a brown eel free you havent lived.

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xSUSPECTx
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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby xSUSPECTx » Thu Oct 22, 2009 12:15 am

johnny was probably the funniest cunt on punkas, it was even better the couple of times i hung out with him too, dude was laugh a minute(why am i always saying tha about dead cunts?)
wish i could relive that game of trivial pursuit where him and brenda kept looking at me sideways and at each other as if to say 'is this guy retarded?' i was struggling to breathe, fuck... kinda had to be there, had to be me even judging by their faces, that game is such a pile of shit, ive no wish to play it again, im sure it wasnt meant to be comedy, but i dont think its any exaggeration to say that i havnt seen anything as funny since.

i used to say my online humour was modeled on johnny and andy,(and thats no exag either) but at least andy is looking hale and hearty... im more on the road of johnny than andy is, just without the being anywhere near(and i say this with no false modesty or humility) as much of a fuckin interesting, funny, fun, choice as, hilarious, piece of shit scumbag, punkrock, nutjob, exciting, realistic, adventurous and successful awesome cunt...

its like primary school poetry, thats what it is.

anyway, altho ive no great desire to give up my miserable suffering existance at all, i bet il beat most of you cunts.

fuckin die slow.

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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby snuff » Sun Jul 18, 2010 10:53 pm

Taken tomorrow off work to get fucked up and listen to rad tunes.

RIP Bro

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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby Maleficent » Sun Jul 18, 2010 11:20 pm

Image


IGGY POP wrote:I'm hanging around that same old scene
My girlfriend Betsy she's just fourteen
There's nothing better for me to do
I'm living on DOG SHIT

DOG SHIT is so good for you
It makes you strong and clever too
DOG SHIT is a current craze
Eat some every day

I chew up my "Sunday Mirror"
I read about the rich I fear
DOG SHIT is my whole life
DOG SHIT composes my wife
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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby A-DAMN SICK » Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:16 pm

BLACK LICK played a show in Palmy last week and since it was Johnny's old stomping ground and the same week in which he had a birthday and a death anniversary, I felt it was appropriate to have a quick word about him and then smash into a fun set.
Being a foreigner I've always been told that Palmy is a shit hole but I gotta say all the people I've ever met from there are ACE AS... Not to mention most of my close friends here in NZ are from Palmy so either you guys rock or WE ALL SUCK... probably a little of both.
I wish Johnny was there to watch us play for him but then again knowing him he would have been getting drunk under the pool table then even if he didn't watch or hear our set he would tell us how much he liked it. I was always on to him.

So now onto another Johnny memory.

THE BACK STORY:

So I have a deep love for marajuana (Some may call it an addiction). It goes back about 15 years ago when I rolled my
first blunt. Who said NYC public school doesn't teach you anything? Ever since then a pack a cigars and a sack of weed
has always been within reach.

I'll speed up the next part = A guy I know who's 60 and smoked cigarettes for 40 years quite with one hypnotism
session from a fruitcake in Upper Hutt. He still doesn't smoke to this day.
He gives me the number, I book a session and it's all like "look into my eyes BWAHAHA (thunder/lightning) and listen to my voice BWAHAHA count backwards BWAHAHA You hate marajuana you dont want it ever again you
are now a duck quack like a duck...". Sorry I couldn't help it. The duck part was made up. The rest is true except for
the weird creepy laughter, thunder and lightning. That was made up too. But he did have one of those big spiral things on his wall that spun. Must be fun on acid...

ANYWAY... This hypnofreak tells me pot will smell and taste like DOG SHIT.. In fact he says WORSE then DOG SHIT!!!.

CUT TO:
NIGHT / WELLINGTON / EXTERIOR / BIG KUMARA
Me and the missus meet up with Johnny and some girl he has been RAVING about. Now I only had just met Johnny
about 2 months before and thanks to his oldest mate Cale, we're all now in a band (SICK 66) by this point.
This was me and Johnny's first time actually hanging out in public and not just at practice sniffing American pharmicudicals that I sneeked into the country.
So I walk up to Johnny and his mate and they were standing outside The Big Kumara, contained in the "we
have to stand here until the bouncer lets us in group". Johnny introduces us to his friend. Her name is Julia A.K.A
Queen Cobra. I've come to quickly learn why Johnny was raving about her. SHE IS FUCKING AWESOME!. So after I make
fun of them cause they're standing in the "We're not cool enough to get into a dumb club cue" we all walk over to INDIGO for some piss.

On the way to Indigo I explained that I just returned from the Hutt getting re-programed by a hypnofreak and they
both found it to be most fascinating. They were determined to put the "Smells and tastes worse then dog shit" theory
to the test. So we got our drinks and found a comfy spot out on the balcony. Julia packed a bowl and they all began
smoking and blowing it straight in my face. OH THE HORROR!! The sweet smell of maruajauna is lost! My brain only sends thoughts of DOG SHIT that invade my senses. How can this be! What have I done! I'm ruined. Johnny, Queen Cobra and my missus found this to be very interesting and just like scientists searching for a reason to torture baby mice, they kept blowing smoke in my face. Anyone that knows Johnny can imagine his wide eyed smile and happy determination to make me puke. So Johnny takes it a step futher and puts the pipe to my lips "Go on ADROCK... SUCK IT!!!"
Now in my opinion the hypntosm worked and didn't work because I actually still wanted to smoke BUT couldn't because it smelled so fucking bad. Why couldn't he say "You just dont want to smoke , you just dont want to smoke"
NOOOOO instead the bastard says "It will smell and taste WORSE THAN DOG SHIT!"
So as much as I couldn't bare the smell, Johnny knew that I really wanted to get stoned so he forced the pipe upon me and didn't give up until I was inhailing. Fuck man, I gagged and choked for a few minutes and felt like I was going to puke. I was dry heaving and long lines of saliva were drooling out of my mouth. Queen Cobra was laughing (at me), the missus was laughing (at me) and Johnny was MAN HANDLING the pipe into my mouth and not letting me stop until it was all gone.
All I remember was at some point (after turning green) I started spinning (which felt good), the weed flavor was
starting to over power the "POWER OF SHIT" suggestion. Johnny noticed I was turning back to my normal stoned self
and he pulled the pipe out of my mouth and with a big smile turned to everyone on the balcony and with one hand on my shoulder and the pipe hand raised in the air like a scientific preacher he says real loud with his classic Johnny grin, "HOW"S THAT?? GOOD SHIT AY? GOOD FUCKING SHIT!!!"
From that point on I knew I could always count on Johnny to keep me from falling into a life of normality.
Ironically I woke up and quit cold turkey the day after Johnny's funeral in Melbourne BUT a few months later his Mum shows up to Wellington with his ashes and after we poured some into the ocean, we rolled big fat joints all night while having dinner with his Mum at our house.
Cheers Johnny for helping me back off that path of normality.
Miss you man.

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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby dustbinflowers » Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:59 pm

:) Awesome tale of the sort I have come to expect

Raising my glass of cheap fizzy wine your way Mister, and watching a youtube clip of the
Patrick Swayze roller disco number in "Skatetown USA" 1979.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuv_YcpM4nU
Uncinia vector

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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby General Mutante » Mon Jul 19, 2010 9:45 pm

I think I may re-read the book by Bill Drummond of the KLF he that Johnny recommended I check out. That was my first encounter with him online here. He just PM'ed me saying he thought I'd like it. First time I met him in person he grabbed me by the shoulders and yelled I UNDERSTAND BROTHER, I UNDERSTAND in my face. It was a while later that I realised he was Einsatzgruppen Speedwagon and he realised I was my good self. There's not enough people in the world full of that kind of inspired madness.
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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby A-DAMN SICK » Tue Jul 20, 2010 9:01 am

General Mutante wrote:I think I may re-read the book by Bill Drummond of the KLF he that Johnny recommended I check out. That was my first encounter with him online here. He just PM'ed me saying he thought I'd like it. First time I met him in person he grabbed me by the shoulders and yelled I UNDERSTAND BROTHER, I UNDERSTAND in my face.

AWESOME! THAT IS JOHNNY THRU AND THRU


General Mutante wrote:There's not enough people in the world full of that kind of inspired madness.

FUCK MAN, TOO TRUE.

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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby hiv-positive » Tue Jul 20, 2010 12:02 pm

General Mutante wrote:I think I may re-read the book by Bill Drummond of the KLF he that Johnny recommended I check out.


The Manual (How to Have a Number One the Easy Way)? That book is amazing.

Can't believe it's been a year already. Was bummed I had to miss his funeral. State of Hate were pretty much my favourite local band as a nipper. Such a shining example of straight up hardcore in PN when there were no decent punk bands around at the time.

edit - http://fliiby.com/file/5711/itvdnc50aa.html Here's a link to it. You'll need to add an 'r' at the end of the file extention, because some dopey fucker left it off.

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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby beeswax » Tue Jul 20, 2010 12:51 pm

Johnny's wit was unparalleled, no one came up with shit like he did, his wit would spark everyone else's like no one else. I really miss what would have come, the internet legend that was still to come and the bazillion more laughs I would have had thanks to him.
Anyway here's a little bit of his wit that makes me chuckle, we were IMing each other & I told him to standby cos my fiancee (at the time) was calling me.... he continued to IM me the following:

Oh the FIANCEE
thats quite a gay word when you think about it
like a french meringue or something
like a baked new york cheesecake
but with european affectations
or a party dress
a big pink party dress
"fiancee"
I shall wear my "fiancee" to the gala ball
Beyonce's little sister
Feyonce
Hey thats pretty genius of us bee we're so creative goddammit FEYONCE!
I'd like to thank the academy and god
Me; I'd like to thank my feyonce

We got excellent mileage outta that one for aaaaages after.
See you on the other side funny ass brother of my heart
xoxoxox
If you can't be good then be good at it

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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby Queen Cobra » Wed Jul 21, 2010 10:14 am

[quote="Maleficent"]Image

Oh HELL yea you spunks!

Aaaaaaaaaaand...

The epilogue to Adam's story of Johnny and I forcing dog-shit weed on him...The Vibrators were playing at Indigo that night, but I guess we missed most of the show due to our scientific experiments on the balcony.

I realised we had missed the music, so suggested we go backstage to meet the band and chat/drink their rider. We got to the green room, the door was shut, and the door knob had been removed, leaving a conveniently large PEEP HOLE!! I recall looking through and seeing an orgy of cock sucking going on. Johnny of course was stoked, and we had turns perving. Do you recall this Adam? Then I stole the Vibrators drumsticks.

I met Johnny in '98 when I moved to Palmy. I flatted with Damian from Snus, so Johnny was around alot. He was having a bit of a shit time in those days, so was usually surly, and when I moved out of that flat didn't see him around much.

Two years later we crossed paths again when we were both living in Wellington, and it was like he'd had a soul transplant. He was fucken FULL of life and laughs, and we've been tight friends ever since.

Love you Johnny, miss you, was AWESOME knowing you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby A-DAMN SICK » Wed Jul 21, 2010 11:16 am

HOLY SHIT THE VIBRATORS WERE PLAYING!! HAHA!

I had no clue. Fuck that's awesome. We were all rolling around the empty stage and trying to bust into the gay orgy in the green room. I remember the place was pitch black except for a cool red light. Man that night was fun.

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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby beeswax » Wed Jul 21, 2010 11:48 am

I remember, I remember it aaallllll it wasn't the Vibrators you knuckle heads it was THE MISFITS! But as it was such a washed down version of the original misfits it's no wonder y'all forgot, anyway here's a photo I took after we gave up on breaking into the green room orgy...maybe this will jog your memory!...or your mammary either one is good for me :twisted: :twisted: :lol: :drinking:

Image
Last edited by beeswax on Wed Jul 21, 2010 12:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby A-DAMN SICK » Wed Jul 21, 2010 12:04 pm

HAHA YOUR MEMORY IS FAILING YOU BABE!

It wasn't THE Misfits at all. I tell you why. Me, Cale and Johnny walked out of THE MISFITS cause we couldn't bring ourselves to watch a bloated Jerry Only and the gang steal everyone's money. Also we had a good laugh cause we thought HORROR STORY played 100X's better then the so called "MISFITS". Sorry call us purists. You stayed behind with Mia and her friends.
Check your photos to jog your memory bank.

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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby Queen Cobra » Wed Jul 21, 2010 12:16 pm

[quote="beeswax"]I remember, I remember it aaallllll it wasn't the Vibrators you knuckle heads it was THE MISFITS! quote]

No no no!!!!! I didn't go to that Misfits gig. Pretty sure it was the Vibrators.

Check out Adam in that photo. Pondering hypnosis, weed, shit, orgies....xxx

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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby beeswax » Wed Jul 21, 2010 12:36 pm

Aaaah fuck I just checked my memory banks aka my photos & realised those photos were in with the Misfits photos (March 2006) but they shot on 13 May 2006.. I guess that makes me the knuckle head aye! Also I had no clue I had ever seen the Vibrators before.... for some reason I just don't think it was them. I only remember the fun we had.
xoxox
Last edited by beeswax on Wed Jul 21, 2010 12:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby Phlegm » Wed Jul 21, 2010 12:44 pm

I remember Johnny posting a few times about catching The Hard-ons in backstage action.
Cosmo Kramer wrote:WHAT DOES THAT MEANT TO MEAN


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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby Dead Kid » Wed Jul 21, 2010 12:55 pm

You must be pretty easy to please if you get Hard-Ons and Vibrators confused.

Found the review thread: viewtopic.php?f=7&t=28659
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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby beeswax » Wed Jul 21, 2010 1:06 pm

The fucking HARD ONS that's right!! I can totally see how you could get that mixed up with the Vibrators though easy mistake for sure.
Thanks for finding that thread, good to know when gig memory fails some clever punkas-er has the answer
:D
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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby xSUSPECTx » Wed Jul 21, 2010 1:14 pm

so was it a gay orgy or what im so confused
Carly Ngarotata-Simon wrote:U misd two commas u illiterate fuk. It should read...mainstream, whilst at the same time, ... Who da dumb cunt now. Im bilingual. I can txt speak n also write in 'proper' english havin bn a legal secretary 4 13 years. So im actualy fukn streams ahead in inteligence ova u. Plus i hav a life! I dnt waste my time typing evry leta out cos i have a life! Dum ass. Peace, im out. Hahahahaha

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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby Maleficent » Wed Jul 21, 2010 1:32 pm

http://aotearoa666.com/

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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby xSUSPECTx » Wed Jul 21, 2010 1:51 pm

making an educated guess, id go with yes.
Carly Ngarotata-Simon wrote:U misd two commas u illiterate fuk. It should read...mainstream, whilst at the same time, ... Who da dumb cunt now. Im bilingual. I can txt speak n also write in 'proper' english havin bn a legal secretary 4 13 years. So im actualy fukn streams ahead in inteligence ova u. Plus i hav a life! I dnt waste my time typing evry leta out cos i have a life! Dum ass. Peace, im out. Hahahahaha

Spots2012 wrote:do animal rights activists vehemently oppose Maori eating pigs etc, or are they willing to let that one slide?

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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby Queen Cobra » Wed Jul 21, 2010 2:04 pm

The Hard Ons! Of course! Durrr

xSUSPECTx wrote:so was it a gay orgy or what im so confused


Nope, there was the band and some Asian women, stored away in my mind's eye forever

xxx

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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby Maleficent » Thu Jul 22, 2010 1:34 am

FINALLY had a drink, thought of Johnny and all the stories, all the ones I told him, all the ones I haven't told my family about, if my Lemmy could tell you tales. Maybe when he's dancing on my grave... heh

It occurred to me tonight that I have spent a lot of time crying over men who are koretake.
TINO KORETAKE. KAORE E TUTURU
Leaving me before I turn 40?

FUCKING DAYTRIPPING LITTLE BITCHES

I will be around for a long long time babe
you know what that means...

*this is the part when Mike the Cool Person says MUSIC! and Motorhead play*


If you squeeze my lizard
I'll put my snake on you
I'm a romantic adventure
And I'm a reptile too

But it don't make no difference
'cos I ain't gonna be, easy, easy
the only time I'm gonna be easy's when I'm
Killed by death
Killed by death
Killed by death
Killed by death

I'm a lone wolf HORI
But I ain't no pretty boy
I'm a backbone shiver
and I'm a bundle of joy

But it don't make no difference
'cos I ain't gonna be, easy, easy
the only time I'm gonna be easy's when I
Killed by death
Killed by death
Killed by death
Killed by death


JOHNNY YOU EAAAAASY CUNT


faaanks for the blowie, love ewe loooong tiime
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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby Maleficent » Thu Jul 22, 2010 2:05 am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaOraUh1AyM

I knew that I always would

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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby Maleficent » Thu Jul 22, 2010 2:55 am

You know the rules, you all know the game
Try and do what's right
And I swear I can't complain
If I die tonight
But I don't think it's in the stars
For me to go that way
I'll be here for a long, long time babe
I'm here to stay
so get used to it cunts

[Choirboxfux]
I was born to rock'n'roll, everything I need
I was born with the hammer down
I was built for speed.

Bet your life it ain't no easy money
But you won't hear me bitch
Spent a long time wrecked and funny
I've got the ten year itch

See me running all around the world
Trying to make some time
A million miles, a million girls
A million real good times

[Crayfich bischē]
I was born to rock'n'roll, everything I need
I was born to put the hammer down on your face
rocknroll will save you
only dead balding fucks think otherwise
spineless gits

bass solo!

Don't you listen to a single word
Against rock'n'roll
The new religion, and fuck any church
The only way to go
I don't give a good goddamn
My lifes been alright
I'm gonna crazy out of my mind
Every single night

[Chorfuxors]
I was born to rock'n'roll, everything I need
I was born with the hammer down
I was made for speed.


Throughout this entire year, I have not forgotten you at all, John. I have been trying to think of words to describe you, and I cannot come up with them. Sick, perverted, finger fucker, dude that cared about me, genuinely nice guy, handsome chef that i introduced to my mother, Elvisand/or Dean Martin impersonator (squeal - we so loves that!) - they all come (CUM!) to mind. But a sentence like that could never contain, let alone describe, your brilliance.
Or your life.
I knew you for five seconds of it.

And I am truly grateful for that short time.

Helpful hint - : Next time you come back, stay longer.




I still have my stirrups!

xxx
666
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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby Maleficent » Thu Jul 22, 2010 3:37 am

you don't know what i've been through just want to put my love in eweeee

bleeding burning

no more nights

of blood and fire
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Re: The Johnny Von Kobra Memorial Thread

Postby Maleficent » Thu Jul 22, 2010 3:59 am

4. Everyone I Love Is Dead

Seems three years
Though maybe four
Someone drops dead
Whom I adore
You love someone
There will be grief
The kiss of death
Lips of a thief
Goddamnit

A dusty stack of photographs
Of times
I cried
But mostly laughed
Commit the past Into blue flame
Acrid smoke Cowardly shame
Goddamnit
giggle swallow

At times
I'm truly
terrified
Cause dope and booze don't help to hide
They're used to mask a weakling's hurt
and i'm a fucking weakling
It's just like painting over dirt
and i am just dirt like you always knew i was johnny

EVERYONE I LOVE IS DEAD
Everyone I love is dead
(All dead)

Life's a game I cannot win
Both good and bad must surely end
The mirrors always tell the truth
I love myself for hating you
YEH BITCH

EVERYONE I LOVE IS DEAD
WHAT FUCKING FRIENDS
EVERYONE I LOVE IS DEAD
EVERYONE I LOVE IS DEAD

GODDAMNIT FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
Goddamnix
All dead
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