Here's one of myall time favs:
JohnnyCakes wrote:Me and Mel went to a bar covered in dogshit (us not the bar STUPIDZ) and drank for about two hours and didn't notice we were covered in dogshit. Even though people were looking at us real funny and staying really really well clear of us.
It was when we left I was walking behind her and noticed and I said YOUR COVERD IN DOGSHIT and she said SO ARE YOU.
We cracked up. Hnunh.
Oh and once I got so fucked up I tried to get oral sex off my mates gf while he was in the toilet at Tramways then later we went to Claires and I leapt across a table at a bloke for no reason and took a swing at him so the bouncers threw me down the stairs and then my mate gave me the keys to his house and pushed me into a taxi then I went back and kicked his front door down even though I had the key (no memory of any of this which is prolly a good thing) then attacked his flatmate then went into the lounge took all my clothes off vomited in all the corners of the room then shat all over the floor and rolled around in it then broke up the furniture.
Went to a family funeral stayed at Motel with my sis and mum. Got so fucked at the wake that I walked into mum and sis' room at 4 am naked and tried to piss all over them thinking it was the toilet.
Smashed in a church with a big crucifix.
Hired a 6 foot 7 polynesian tranny to give me a blowie to see what it would be like getting blown by a big tranny.
Attacked a comedian doing a show in front of about 500 people then proceeded to do a striptease.
Played a gig at SFBH wher e the audience were boring so we took off all our clothes then beat each other up then attacked the audience and got banned for a year.
Did actual fight club with some strangers in PN in the Stomach carpark and got mean concussion.
Shot a ginger kitten like one of the ones you'd see on a calendar 5 times with a Sniper Rifle.
Stayed awake for 17 days at one point, on;ly eating for 5 of those days.
Been told I'm going to be killed for drug deals gone wrong.
Had corrupt policeman on payroll.
Done swinger pool parties where husband implores you to fuck his wife who is spreadeagled in front of you cus he wants to watch n jack off.
Cunningly nocturnally placed bag full of large fish under someone's caravan so it rots slowly and fucks up their life.
Worked for both the Army AND the Police.
Oh I rang up my mixed race gf who I loved heaps n told her she should be gassed and burnt in an oven for not being racially pure (blackout again).
Rooted a dental assistant in a dentists chair with the gas mask n shit.
Got an 8 year sober person in AA to drink, rooted her and got her back on the sauce n kicked out of the AA house she was living in. Then got bored n left her.
To get free drinks: have pretended to be Irish; have dressed in sandals and walk shorts and a tie and pretended to be a plumber called Shane from Wainui; have pretended to be a Swiss Doctor from a Love Clinic with a 14 step programme in the Alps; have been a twink's bad boy; told someone I'll stab them.
There are other things.
It feels unreal to write this shit down. Cheers Mugabe for the thread haha