Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

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Kerry
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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby Kerry » Fri Oct 16, 2009 12:44 pm

Went without gone done poos for a number of days in LA after eating too much pizza and too many hotdogs. One morning we had breakfast at IHOP (disgustingly enormous meals that come standard with a side of pancakes), along with too many cups of amazingly awful coffee. It hit me like a ton of bricks after we had left and were on foot down Sunset Blvd, on a tremendously hot and scorching summer day. Ran into a dunny at some net cafe and it was one of the worst cans I had ever seen. Probably the worst. It was the like the dunger in Trainspotting. And there was no lock. There I am emptying out a few litres of brown sauce, shaking like I'm shitting glass shards, while trying to hold the door shut and on to the seat as not to slide off into the steaming puddles of piss on the floor. It was a fucking awful experience but also one of the most relieving.
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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby captain steinakin » Fri Oct 16, 2009 12:59 pm

Had a similar experience in Thailand. Woke up one morning really hungover, but had slept in too late to have a shit, had to get picked up by a shuttle to get off the island we were on. So really needed to go before we left, then the shuttle driver takes the long way around the island, to pick up a bunch of other shit cunts. While I was trying my best not to shit my pants. When we finally got to the pier I ran as fast as I could to the first toilet I could find. Got in there and it was one of those squat toilets, there was no paper, the whole place was filthy and smelt strongly of piss and shit. Ran back out and there was a lady selling paper outside the toilets, chucked her the cash and grabbed the paper. Then trying to figure out how to use the squat toilet I came up with some weird hybrid of techniques for both styles of toilet. Punished the toilet, then walked out calmly and then onto the bus.

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wassup rockers
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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby wassup rockers » Fri Oct 16, 2009 1:26 pm

I bet ellerslies infamous Poo Crew have a couple rad shitstorm stories

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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby Honist Ta Hu » Fri Oct 16, 2009 1:55 pm

About 5 years ago my mate shat into a condom and snuck onto this guy we use to knows property and slipped it under his door mat, it was one of those rubber door mats with holes in it. The shit filled condom looked as though it was about to burst under the weight of the mat. We went off home and forgot about what we had done. Later that night the guy came over to my house asking if i knew anything about how shit got all over his front door and wall of his house. He was really pissed off, threatening to smash me and so on. Apparently his mother had come home, stood on the mat causing the condom to explode sending poo everywhere, on her shoes and all. I denied knowing anything about it. Poor dude had to clean it all up though.

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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby yellowbus » Fri Oct 16, 2009 2:10 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

amazing

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Hamtown Dave
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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby Hamtown Dave » Fri Oct 16, 2009 2:21 pm

Some of these might be old... but here's a few poo battle stories I've heard...

1) Freezing a grogan then using a cheese grater to grate poo particles all over the carpet. Householders spend weeks looking for what it causing the stink.
2) Empty margarine/butter container, lay a turd in the bottom... replace butter/marge over the top... by the time users become aware of the prank they will have already ingested a humorous, but not life-threatening amount of shit.
3) Buy tub of Neapolitan ice-cream from supermarket. Remove chocolate portion and eat it... shit in the resulting void. Smuggle ice-cream container back into the supermarket and put it back into the freezer.
4) After shitting in another person's toilet, unroll toilet paper roll nearly to the end. Wipe your arse... roll it back up. Most effective if done with all rolls in the person's toilet.

A combination of tactic 4) with the return to point of sale tactic of 3) would result in hilarious customer returns scenarios. "This toilet paper has already been used".
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Sam Deformed
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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby Sam Deformed » Fri Oct 16, 2009 3:24 pm

This thread has brought me some much needed lolz for the day. Fucking hilarious! :lol: :lol:

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wassup rockers
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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby wassup rockers » Fri Oct 16, 2009 3:25 pm

Hamtown Dave wrote:Some of these might be old... but here's a few poo battle stories I've heard...

1) Freezing a grogan then using a cheese grater to grate poo particles all over the carpet. Householders spend weeks looking for what it causing the stink.
2) Empty margarine/butter container, lay a turd in the bottom... replace butter/marge over the top... by the time users become aware of the prank they will have already ingested a humorous, but not life-threatening amount of shit.
3) Buy tub of Neapolitan ice-cream from supermarket. Remove chocolate portion and eat it... shit in the resulting void. Smuggle ice-cream container back into the supermarket and put it back into the freezer.
4) After shitting in another person's toilet, unroll toilet paper roll nearly to the end. Wipe your arse... roll it back up. Most effective if done with all rolls in the person's toilet.

A combination of tactic 4) with the return to point of sale tactic of 3) would result in hilarious customer returns scenarios. "This toilet paper has already been used".


Holy shit :lol: :lol: :twisted: :twisted:

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Rude Mike
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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby Rude Mike » Fri Oct 16, 2009 3:49 pm

Fuck yes. This thread = genuine lols :lol:
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Kerry
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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby Kerry » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:25 pm

Sam made it up. It was all just a fantasy.
Good thread but. Shot.
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Rude Mike
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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby Rude Mike » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:53 pm

^ Worth it.
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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby cirE » Fri Oct 16, 2009 5:15 pm

SupaScoopa wrote:The womans cubicles at work have three in a row, and the walls dont reach the roof so you can pretty much hear EVERYTHING. Im fucking suprised at how many chicks just let loose in the toilets..pretty gross and hilarious - if i hear a poo-fart i can never contain laughter..

a pregnant chick went into a cublicle next to me one time and i just heard this massive noise lilke 'PWAAHHHhhhhhh' - before she started pissing - like some kind of front bum fart as.


Mean thread.

whoa i thort you a bloke :o
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your fucking funeral
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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby your fucking funeral » Fri Oct 16, 2009 7:22 pm

a mate of mine shat once inside this dudes gas tank..ultimate fuck you especially if you leave a nice smear on the side of the car
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xSUSPECTx
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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby xSUSPECTx » Fri Oct 16, 2009 7:32 pm

remember when my ex and her b/f came into your work at that italian place on 11th ave and you told some dude to spit on their pizza and he did?

chur bro, that was awesome

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Dead Kid
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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby Dead Kid » Fri Oct 16, 2009 7:47 pm

General Mutante wrote:"So you think you're floating in mint sauce son"

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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby Barrel Of Death » Fri Oct 16, 2009 11:41 pm

wassup rockers wrote:was at a party once and took a shit on some dudes car down the road for reasons i cannot recall. i do remember being really drunk, then i heard dogs barking and got scared so ran down the road with my pants still down and poo sorta still out my ass. ran into a bush and used a leaf to whipe my ass and went back to the party and heard people saying "someone smells like shit" so i went upstairs to the bathroom of this persons house i didn't know and found poos on my boxers so i took them off, threw them in the washing basket, had a shower and went commando the rest of the night. i left shortly after for fear of someone finding my shit boxers


Fuck thats funny!! :lol: :o

Only shit related thing ive seen is waihi toilets near the gay rocketship, someone planted a thick long bloody shit and the fucked thing was that it had full seeds of some sort in it maybe sunflower 8O :? Saw it, dry reached then left. Also never go to the skycity metro movie toilets, i swear theres fuckers that sit in the middle ones for hours on end just so they can look up at the floor refelections and see dudes taking shits, dont even want to think about fuckers jacking off to that shit 0X
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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby Dennis from Accounts » Fri Oct 16, 2009 11:51 pm

Barrel Of Death wrote:dry reached
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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby cobrascuntcharmer » Sat Oct 17, 2009 12:27 am

UGGGGGGGH fucking hate when you walk in to a cubicle and someones left a big turd in the bowl with no loo paper and its got a golden halo of disolved shit around it.
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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby Fearful_Jesuit » Sat Oct 17, 2009 12:31 am

When I was seven years old the school bully did a green shit and thought he was going to die. He got us all to come and look at it.
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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby the ledge » Sat Oct 17, 2009 3:17 am

Barrel Of Death wrote:never go to the skycity metro movie toilets


have had someone reach over the top of the cubicle to take picture of my taking a leak before

they would be disappointed I'm sure

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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby cirE » Sat Oct 17, 2009 3:23 am

cobrascuntcharmer wrote:a golden halo of disolved shit

fucking rofl :lol: :lol: :lol:
Future Shock wrote:freudian slip, went downa likea sack o potatoes

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tyrannosaurus mark
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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby tyrannosaurus mark » Tue Nov 10, 2009 3:37 am

Fuzz and I went to Turkey together when we were 15 years old. We shared a hotel room at this 5 star hotel. He was taking a shit in the toilet and he was in there for aaages. He was there for so long that I started busting for a shit. I started busting so bad that I didn't know what to do. So I squatted a plastic bag and shat into that, while standing in the middle of the hotel room. I then grabbed the bag, tied it up and threw it out the window of the 7th story. It landed on the roof of the entrance to the hotel. Some cleaner there must know the rest of this story.

And I never told fuzz..
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cirE
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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby cirE » Tue Nov 10, 2009 4:15 am

tyrannosaurus mark wrote:Fuzz and I went to Turkey together when we were 15 years old. We shared a hotel room at this 5 star hotel. He was taking a shit in the toilet and he was in there for aaages. He was there for so long that I started busting for a shit. I started busting so bad that I didn't know what to do. So I squatted a plastic bag and shat into that, while standing in the middle of the hotel room. I then grabbed the bag, tied it up and threw it out the window of the 7th story. It landed on the roof of the entrance to the hotel. Some cleaner there must know the rest of this story.

And I never told fuzz..

can't wait for him to read this story :D
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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby Ret- » Tue Nov 10, 2009 5:43 pm

tyrannosaurus mark wrote:Fuzz and I went to Turkey together when we were 15 years old. We shared a hotel room at this 5 star hotel. He was taking a shit in the toilet and he was in there for aaages. He was there for so long that I started busting for a shit. I started busting so bad that I didn't know what to do. So I squatted a plastic bag and shat into that, while standing in the middle of the hotel room. I then grabbed the bag, tied it up and threw it out the window of the 7th story. It landed on the roof of the entrance to the hotel. Some cleaner there must know the rest of this story.

And I never told fuzz..


Haha! actual LOL. :lol:

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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby Jared.com » Tue Nov 10, 2009 7:58 pm

tyrannosaurus mark wrote:Fuzz and I went to Turkey together when we were 15 years old. We shared a hotel room at this 5 star hotel. He was taking a shit in the toilet and he was in there for aaages. He was there for so long that I started busting for a shit. I started busting so bad that I didn't know what to do. So I squatted a plastic bag and shat into that, while standing in the middle of the hotel room. I then grabbed the bag, tied it up and threw it out the window of the 7th story. It landed on the roof of the entrance to the hotel. Some cleaner there must know the rest of this story.

And I never told fuzz..


That's song worthy.
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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby primalicon » Mon Nov 30, 2009 12:34 am

Danny-Boy wrote:Anyone caught anyone having a pull in the libraries?



Never caught the person, but vibrators have been found in the toilets @ AKL Central Library. But there was the guy found shooting up naked in the lavs too.

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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby xSUSPECTx » Mon Nov 30, 2009 1:03 am

the vibes was me and xcaptainx

kimura
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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby kimura » Mon Nov 30, 2009 1:38 pm

A guy I know was in Samoa and couldnt find any loo paper, he has super short for time so just used his undies and went commando.

People plz post more stories, I'm having diminishing returns re reading them.

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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby yourstruly » Mon Nov 30, 2009 3:15 pm

pissed right outside my friends old apartment door, cos i couldn't get the key to work. pissed my pants waiting in line in a liquor store once, left a nice little puddle and got the fuck out of there. took a dump in the flax bushes right by the bridge down newton road on the way to a show. i have way to many busting for piss/shit stories. have kind of learnt though, before i leave for anywhere i take a dump/piss first.

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Re: Dude having a wank in the cubicle next to me today.

Postby AllanJones » Mon Nov 30, 2009 10:08 pm

A mate of mine was taking a bush shit. When he was wiping he lost his balance, fell and ended up sitting on his shit


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