Ong Bak (movie)

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Matt
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Ong Bak (movie)

Postby Matt » Thu Jun 17, 2004 12:35 am

CGI is for pussies. Wires are for wimps. Stuntmen are for the gutless. If you want REAL over-compensating repressed machismo, then you want to see sweaty, often half-naked men beating the snot out of each other with punches that really land. Not just punches, either - throw in some kicks, elbows, knees, furniture, fuck it - ANYTHING.

Go see Ong Bak.

Yeah, there's a plot and characters and a director and all that other movie crap, but that ain't why you're watching this beast.You want to watch little Thai fellas throwing punches like Jake The Muss after an undercooked dinner. Oh, I've got to explain it? Alright - it's about a guy and his mate Dirty Balls who will do anything for some head.

I'm not kidding, that's the plot.

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The Australian Tourist Board was working hard to attract visitors

You want the long version? Fine then, Shakespeare. A bunch of thieves steal the head off a statue of Buddha from a small village, meaning all kinds of bad luck will befall the sleepy settlement - mismatched socks, spam email, sequels being made to Underworld, the full deal. So the village responds by sending their champion with the distinctly un-heroic name of Ting (Panom Yeerum) to the big city of Bangkok (insert penis injury joke here) to get back the head. Along the way, he recruits the help of an ex-villager whose name is, yes, Dirty Balls. It is never explained how Mister Balls came by this nomenclature, but I'm guessing it wasn't from a cleaning job at the bowling alley.

Ting quickly finds there is only one way to get the head he wants so badly - kick the absolute living shit out of the entire population of Thailand. So he does. And HOW!

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Julie was always so embarrassed when Uncle George masturbated in public

It is hard to do justice to the sheer athleticism of ex-stuntman Panom Yeerum. He's like some kind of spring-loaded Energiser Bunny, with fists instead of silly marching band cymbals. The action is relentless and breathtaking, and a large proportion of the hits quite clearly ACTUALLY LAND. This is the real deal, and it's pretty stunning to watch. In a bar somewhere, Jet Li is crying on Jackie Chan's shoulder.

The filmmakers obviously realise it and shift the majority of the dialogue away from their star (Grubby Bollocks does most of the talking) to give him more time to jump over things, do the splits under things and have furniture smashed over him. You name it, he goes through it - doors, windows, plot holes, crap dialogue, everything. At one point, he gets set on fire and still keeps kicking people in the head. The fight scenes are nothing short of spectacular - including one drawn out fight where Ting and a hulking opponent demolish an underground club with a seemingly endless running battle that ends with Ting chucking the guy through a second-storey window, jumping after him and kneeing him in the face while they fall.

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Suddenly, the interior design segment of Queer Eye turned nasty

He's either a superbly gifted warrior, or is in more need of getting laid than any guy EVER.

Ong Bak is poorly acted, directed with mediocrity (they even do action replays of particularly flash moves) and atrociously written. But honestly, who really cares when it showcases action like this?? And it's hard not to love a film with a high-speed tuk-tuk chase scene.

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John Wayne Bobbit's doctor needed work on his bedside manner

Avoid it like the plague if your favourite films are Steel Magnolias and The Bridges of Madison County, but if you have repressed frustrations and want to see blokes dealing out all kinds of five-knuckle justice, skip the other shit - Ong Bak is what you want.

Matt
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Postby Matt » Thu Jun 17, 2004 12:39 am

Oh yeah, also, this is the movie that closes out the New Zealand International Film Festival this year...

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Postby ~> Deth <~ » Mon Jun 21, 2004 9:33 pm

it's about a guy and his mate Dirty Balls who will do anything for some head


ah hahah.
looks like a must see.

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Postby [TeamPropagandhi]Mob King » Fri Jun 25, 2004 6:54 pm

That scene where the Australian dude throws everything in the bar at him - and I mean EVERYTHING - is c.l.ass!

My copy has fux0red subtitles though ... one of those internet translation sites or worse. Mysteriously, I still seemed to understand everything :P
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Postby Matt » Sat Jun 26, 2004 11:34 am

Haha! Yeah, like when the big guy picks up the fridge, so Ting kicks him through the fridge, smashing him through the wall.

Yeah, you're not missing anything on the dialogue, hahaha!

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Postby Richie » Wed Apr 27, 2005 9:28 pm

Im seeing it tommorow I cant wait!
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Postby kittenslayer » Wed Apr 27, 2005 10:03 pm

Fucking great movie!!!! Don't fuck with Thai who knos Muay Tai!

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Postby Phlegmâ„¢ » Tue Mar 18, 2008 10:46 pm

I need to grab a copy with English subtitles as I own a legal Asian DVD version with only Asian sub-titles.
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Postby beef666 » Wed Mar 19, 2008 7:41 am

Phlegm wrote:I need to grab a copy with English subtitles as I own a legal Asian DVD version with only Asian sub-titles.


Seriously, don't bother. Me and my mate watched it through the first time without english subtitles and made up the storyline for ourselves. Just as good, if not better than having the proper ones.
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Postby Brento » Wed Mar 19, 2008 5:03 pm

beef666 wrote:
Phlegm wrote:I need to grab a copy with English subtitles as I own a legal Asian DVD version with only Asian sub-titles.


Seriously, don't bother. Me and my mate watched it through the first time without english subtitles and made up the storyline for ourselves. Just as good, if not better than having the proper ones.


that looks like a pretty heavy movie.

i might be watching it hard out as
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Postby Bruno » Wed Mar 19, 2008 8:58 pm

fuck yeahs, gonna get soon as, based purely on ace review
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Postby The Rabble Van » Tue Apr 01, 2008 2:31 pm

ace review? nah


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