Transformers; a short (very short) review

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Transformers; a short (very short) review

Postby Former Child Star » Thu Jun 28, 2007 2:41 am

is awesome


michael bay did NOT rape my childhood like i thought he would


has laughs


optimus prime voice



bumblebee cool (even if he is a camaro and not a beetle)

my parents are coming, quick 40 foot robots, hide!


sequel-tacular



STARSCREEM


gangsta talking robot
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Postby Boomsticks » Thu Jun 28, 2007 9:45 am

I had thought this movie would be good, but it exceeded my expectations.

FANFUCKINGTASTIC.

It had bits of everything.

Highlights - first scene where Sam gives the girl a lift home and we find out his new car (bumblebee) has a life of its own "Seeeexxxuaaalll Heallling, SExual"

The other Autobots arriving - Gangsta robot speak is crackup

Chiuaua (sp?) "lubricating" on the robot

Robot lubricating on Sector Seven Government men

Mmmm too many highlights to list. I laughed, I felt sad, I grabbed the person next to me in anticipation.. oooh ahh. It was great.

Go see it.

Now.

Oh one low light - The power fucking out TWICE at during the movie, I feel like I may've missed five minutes of important footage. Fuck you skycity village queen st for not rewinding - but thanks for the free ticket.
Make the fat kid run. RUN DAMMIT!

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Postby Boomsticks » Thu Jun 28, 2007 10:08 am

. wrote:i don't believe either of you. i won't watch it you can't make me.


Wanna bet.

BwaHahaHA {--------------------------- Evil laugh.

Oooh and another bit, that i forgot. When then snuck in the "More than meets the eyes line." Gold.
Make the fat kid run. RUN DAMMIT!

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Postby Tacotistk » Thu Jun 28, 2007 2:11 pm

weird.. all the other people I know who saw it last night seemed to enjoy it a lot... i'll probably give it a go
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Postby kittenslayer » Thu Jun 28, 2007 2:16 pm

. wrote:review from someone who's opinion i trust more than either of you cunts...

The single worst Movie Experience of 2007.

One giant fucking migraine.
Bay actually appears to have comtempt for the audience - its nearly anti-cinema.
You couldn't make the action scenes more incoherent and lazy if you spent years trying.
His forumlaic close up cutting style just doesn't suit giant robots battling.
You need some freaking distance to give you scale and sense of power.
Continuity is incredibly bad throughout the film - ed wood jr style of driving in broad daylight til the very nexy second being at night time. All because Bay cares more about what looks good (mate - sunglass commercials are so 80s) than narrative logic.

The film actually begins at the 90m mark if you can believe that. You could cut the first 90m out of the film and not miss a damn thing.

The one thing that is readily apparent when you leave in disgust is that there was no sense of fun at all. The film has one of the weakest openings to a film of this type ever seen - what should have been a slow in awe relevation sequence, is pathetically over in seconds with things going boom.
No mystery - no sense of wonder.

And not one person, for one second says 'holy shit there are giant robots fighting in the streets'..
its all so cool and blase in bay land.

Spielberg - I hope you're merch cut is worth your soul being eroded for this travesty.


i think i'll trust my instinct and not waste the time/money/bandwidth seeing this movie.

^wrong I think!!!

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Postby Bruticus » Thu Jun 28, 2007 2:57 pm

From what I've seen Optimus Prime has flames and Megatron is a jaggy piece of shit. I'm unimpressed
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Postby Anarchia » Thu Jun 28, 2007 4:37 pm

This month needs to end so my transfer limit resets and I can download this....Grr, 3 more days.

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Postby Matt » Thu Jun 28, 2007 4:45 pm

I foolishly went to see it. I don't know what I was thinking.

Worst Movie of the Year, no contest.

Since when did kids' movies have to be SO stupid? I might write a full review if I can think of enough swear word adjectives and synonyms for 'moronic'.

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Postby snuff » Thu Jun 28, 2007 5:03 pm

I thought it was fuckin choice!

I agree that not enough of the fighting was from afar.

Fuck the naysayers, bring on the sequels!
I guess you really need to ask yourself... What Would Graeme Do?

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Postby snuff » Thu Jun 28, 2007 5:15 pm

:roll:
I guess you really need to ask yourself... What Would Graeme Do?

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Postby snuff » Thu Jun 28, 2007 5:48 pm

I remember seeing the original when it first came out at the theatre, and watching the new one was like that all again.
I guess you really need to ask yourself... What Would Graeme Do?

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Postby general » Thu Jun 28, 2007 10:04 pm

i thought it was passable, i didn't go in to imax with huge expectations. thought it was too long. optimus prime was too in touch with his feelings, i mean apologising to megatron was a tad... gay. fighting scenes were cool, hard to keep track of who was who though. like i said before too long.
5/10

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Postby daggers » Thu Jun 28, 2007 11:01 pm

Couldn't care less these days. I loved them as a kid but don't see this being any use to me these days.

kittenslayer

Postby kittenslayer » Thu Jun 28, 2007 11:08 pm

Can't trust some of the opnions on this thread... :?

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Postby puppykicker » Thu Jun 28, 2007 11:50 pm

just saw it. dialogue was horrifying, some terrible attempts at humor and the whole first hour or so was pretty much irrelevent to the story. that said tho, i thought it was fuckin cool. the fight scenes are pretty epic, especially the opening attack. enjoyed it heaps and it didnt seem too long to me, and i wasnt even stoned. well worth the price of a movie
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Postby skeetnigguh » Fri Jun 29, 2007 12:15 am

fucking top notch movie.
highlights:
jazz being ripped up
megatron being a cold cunt
hot bitch
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Postby kittenslayer » Fri Jun 29, 2007 9:25 am

opnions are so polarised 8O

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Postby daggers » Fri Jun 29, 2007 9:58 am

it's got 8.5 on imdb from all the aussies/nzers voting..

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Postby Akuma » Fri Jun 29, 2007 10:30 am

Made all the mistakes blockbuster action movies make. it had terrible acting, a weak script and some of the scenes were downright 'GOOFY'. oh, and the sector 7 boss was just bizarre.

NOT the sort of movie you go to if you're a little crybaby who wants learn some gay shit about life.

HOWEVER...

The VFX and fight scenes were amazing. As were the girls. There were also some genuinely funny moments among the cringe-worthy.

highlight of the movie for me was starscream ruining all the f-22's shit above the city.

I could never be happy with any live-action adaption of my second all time favorite cartoon, but it was a decent attempt.

6.5/10
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Postby skeetnigguh » Fri Jun 29, 2007 10:38 am

Akuma wrote:highlight of the movie for me was starscream ruining all the f-22's shit above the city.


Oh fuck yes, that bit was downright GANGSTA
+Megatron flicking that human
+Frenzy headbutting the screen as the hardlines were cut
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Postby puppykicker » Fri Jun 29, 2007 10:49 am

so taste = being a wanker and refusing to appreciate a dumb but entertaining movie with cool fight scenes?
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Postby refrigerator » Fri Jun 29, 2007 11:04 am

This movie fucking rocked! I'm quite a transformers fanboy and i was really excited to see it and I wasnt disappointed.
this movie totally delivered. Robots smashing shit up all over the place.
I wasnt expecting a brilliant piece of cinema, christ its transformers, not citizen kane. Some of the humour was really well done, frenzy was clearly meant to appeal to kids but it was still funny. eg. when it was sneaking off the plane and 'trying' not to get spotted.

I had a few gripes though, mostly loose ends that werent tied up very well, and the decepticons werent really given much screen time other than being evil.

The inevitable sequels might be a little better since they dont have to set up some of the characters and so on. Maybe they will do an ultra magnus that will just be a blue and white repaint of optimus, including flames.

solid 8/10

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Postby Former Child Star » Fri Jun 29, 2007 11:06 am

bonecrusher roller skating up the highway ruining everyone's day
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Postby yossarian » Fri Jun 29, 2007 11:28 am

refrigerator wrote:. Maybe they will do an ultra magnus that will just be a blue and white repaint of optimus, including flames.


They should do Ultra magnus with the original Prime paintjob, just to reallllllyy fuck everyone off.

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Postby skeetnigguh » Fri Jun 29, 2007 12:11 pm

Yeah,

What i want to know is, did sector seven acquire the all spark before or after megatron crash landed? If after then how the fuck did the navigation system imprint the glasses with the map?

Megatron could come back as galvatron, and that'd be MAD
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Postby Matt » Fri Jun 29, 2007 12:12 pm

I just don't know WHY a blockbuster movie has to be dumb. Is there a rule somewhere? Surely it wouldn't take *that* much effort to have things actually make sense and write some funny lines and have characters?

It's just so weird that you get SO much work into making all the FX pretty and the lighting and colours nice, yet absolutely nothing into a story or script. And yet that seems to be enough to be successful.

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Postby Matt » Fri Jun 29, 2007 12:17 pm

Jayme wrote:What i want to know is, did sector seven acquire the all spark before or after megatron crash landed? If after then how the fuck did the navigation system imprint the glasses with the map?


After. It landed where Hoover Dam was built.

I'm wondering more about how Optimus Prime knew everything, but didn't do shit for 80 years, why the cube can magically shrink down (aside from the obvious reason to have a chase scene with it), why the cube was just floating through space in the first place, why nobody cares there are a bunch of demonic little Decepticons still running round at the end (from when the cube was dropped), why there was a bunch of guns in glass cases with ammo in that cobwebbed room, how the Decepticons knew the US Government had Megatron AND the project codename, why nobody cared that the love interest cheated on her boyfriend, why she went with Shia LaBeouf even though he smashed her off her moped and dragged her into his car when she would've been perfectly safe without him, etc etc.

Christ, I've already thought about it more than the scriptwriters.

Oh yeah, and if they "learnt English from the World Wide Web", why did not one of them EVER, not ONCE, say, "Its the system, think, first page, up the punx!"

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Postby refrigerator » Fri Jun 29, 2007 12:29 pm

Matt wrote:
After. It landed where Hoover Dam was built.

I'm wondering more about how Optimus Prime knew everything, but didn't do shit for 80 years, why the cube can magically shrink down (aside from the obvious reason to have a chase scene with it), why the cube was just floating through space in the first place, why nobody cares there are a bunch of demonic little Decepticons still running round at the end (from when the cube was dropped), why there was a bunch of guns in glass cases with ammo in that cobwebbed room, how the Decepticons knew the US Government had Megatron AND the project codename, why nobody cared that the love interest cheated on her boyfriend, why she went with Shia LaBeouf even though he smashed her off her moped and dragged her into his car when she would've been perfectly safe without him, etc etc.

Christ, I've already thought about it more than the scriptwriters.

Oh yeah, and if they "learnt English from the World Wide Web", why did not one of them EVER, not ONCE, say, "Its the system, think, first page, up the punx!"



There is a bunch of stuff explained in the prequel comic books.
Optimus launched the allspark into space to stop megatron from getting it on cybertron.
I thought the allspark transforming was a slight nod to the shrinking abilities they had in the cartoon. Could be quantum transformation type stuff. But it would have been more retarded if they had tried to transport the giant thing around on the back of a truck or something.
The decepticons didnt know where megatron and the allspark were being kept until frenzy notified them.
I thought the mountain dew transformer that shot cans was really awesome.

Product placement was so glaringly obvious. Apparently they had over 200 different companies in advertising deals.

Someone said to me afterward that i thought interesting, how there was a dam involved in this film, and a dam was also the target of the decepticon attacks in the first episodes of the G1 series.

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Postby refrigerator » Fri Jun 29, 2007 12:34 pm

Matt wrote:Christ, I've already thought about it more than the scriptwriters.



Producer: Uhh, Michael we have run out of money for the scriptwriters.
Michael Bay: How much do we have left?
Producer: About $10
Michael Bay: Ok, notify the typewriter monkeys.

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Postby snuff » Fri Jun 29, 2007 12:34 pm

general wrote:optimus prime was too in touch with his feelings, i mean apologising to megatron was a tad... gay.


Optimus was always the compassionate one, I didn't think his character was any diff from the cartoons... don't remember the bit where he apologised to Megatron though?

Jayme wrote:+Megatron flicking that human


That was awesome! Like a fuckin fly!

refrigerator wrote:...mostly loose ends that weren't tied up very well...
The inevitable sequels might be a little better since they don't have to set up some of the characters and so on...


That was always gonna be the case with a franchise as big as this... I reckon the best bet for the sequel is to base it on The Heavy Metal War episodes and introduce The Constructicons and The Dinobots.

Why the tank in this film was called Devestator and not Warpath I'm not sure, I guess he's dead though...

Obviously with Starscream taking off hopefully he'll return with Thundercracker, Thrust, and Ramjet etc which means they'll be able to focus more on Starscream and his intentions of superseding Megatron.

It'll no doubt go into humankind's rallying behind the Autobots, perhaps then they could introduce the Ark crashing to earth, then they'd be able to have Teletraan 1 which would be a good setup to intro'ing the Dinobots, and could then allow them some kind of scaling technology which means we could see Soundwave/Blaster etc...
I guess you really need to ask yourself... What Would Graeme Do?


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