free shit jokes and stuff

Have you got anything you don't want and want to give it to a good home for nothing? Here is the place!
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vibri
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Postby vibri » Sat Dec 29, 2007 3:03 pm

id eat a bed roll

they sound good

how would you cook them?

are they vegan?
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Dan Last
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Postby Dan Last » Sat Dec 29, 2007 3:44 pm

I think they're made from people.

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I'm not a cool guy anymore.

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vibri
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Postby vibri » Sun Dec 30, 2007 2:00 pm

hi
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MuscleMan
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Postby MuscleMan » Sun Dec 30, 2007 2:11 pm

Missionary Dan wrote:I may or may not have made this joke, but it came to me all of a sudden last night. Prepare for the worst joke in history.

If you're camping you don't have to worry about running out of food, because you can always eat your...























BED ROLL.


sweet jesus I hope someone told you that.

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ghetto ninja
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Postby ghetto ninja » Sun Dec 30, 2007 5:55 pm

I gave him an extremely disaproving glare after he told me that.
Martyrdamn wrote:Said 'hey baby gurl' to about seven girls tonight,
turns out girls don't like guys talking about getting up in their guts,
fagets, right.

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vibri
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Postby vibri » Mon Feb 04, 2008 10:29 pm

knock knock

whos there?

DA FUK YO
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yvon
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Postby yvon » Mon Feb 04, 2008 10:33 pm

hell. I LOAL'd.
"All paid employment degrades the mind."

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bridge.
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Postby bridge. » Tue Feb 05, 2008 5:34 pm

Q: What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?


A: A drug dealer can't wash his crack and sell it again.



ha-ha-ho-ho etc etc.

...

Postby ... » Tue Feb 05, 2008 8:25 pm

hmm not bad, but id say that a prostitute cant cut his crack in half and sell it for twice as much.

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Livestock
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Postby Livestock » Thu Feb 07, 2008 10:46 am

what do you call a guy on your front door step with no arms or legs?


Mat..

Kev Japan
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Postby Kev Japan » Tue Mar 04, 2008 11:15 am

A senior citizen goes in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging
along.
When the doctor enters the examination room he says, 'I will need a
urine sample,

a stool sample, and a sperm sample.'


The man, being hard of hearing, turns to

his wife and asks, 'What did he say?'


The wife yells back to him,

'GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR!'

kittenslayer

Postby kittenslayer » Tue Mar 11, 2008 3:48 pm

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a CAD monkey please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fitted a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll be £5000."
The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only few hundred dollars. Why did that one cost so much?"
The Shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can draw in AutoCAD - very fast, clear layouts, no mistakes, well worth the money."
The tourist looked at a monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive! £10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh, that one's a Design monkey; it can design systems, layout projects, mark-up drawings, write specifications, some even calculate. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read £50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"
The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but it says it's an Engineer."

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Ouch
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Postby Ouch » Mon Mar 17, 2008 10:04 am

FAIL

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Horus
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Postby Horus » Mon Mar 17, 2008 11:30 pm

How many environmentalists does it take to change a lightbulb?



Ten. One to write the lightbulb a letter requesting that it change. Four to circulate online petitions. One to file a lawsuit demanding it change. One to send the lightbulb lovingkindness, knowing that this is the only way real change occurs. One to accept the lightbulb precisely the way it is, clear in the knowledge that to not accept another is to do great harm to oneself. One to write a book about how and why the lightbulb needs to change. And finally, one to smash the fucking lightbulb, because we all know it's never going to change.

bulaperry
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Re: free shit jokes and stuff

Postby bulaperry » Fri May 02, 2008 3:08 am

What's the difference between a coffin and a condom?

Both have stiffs in them and one you come in and the other you go in.

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Dan Last
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Re: free shit jokes and stuff

Postby Dan Last » Mon Jun 02, 2008 3:16 pm

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.
I'm not a cool guy anymore.

bulaperry
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Re: free shit jokes and stuff

Postby bulaperry » Fri Jun 13, 2008 1:27 pm

That's wicked, bro, but i larfed.

What's the difference between a camera & a condom?

No difference, they both capture that magic moment.

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YULE
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Re: free shit jokes and stuff

Postby YULE » Sat Jun 14, 2008 10:26 pm

Q: How do you stop five black men from raping a white women?
A: Throw them a basketball.

Q: What's the difference between vaginal blood and sand?
A: You can't gargle sand

Q:What do Yoko Ono and Sudanese refugees have in common?
A:They both live off dead Beatles.

Q:Why does Beyonce keep repeating "to the left"?
A:Because black people have no rights.

Q: What do you do with a 12 year old Jewish boy that suffers from AD/HD?
A: Send him to a Concentration Camp.

Ten GIs were raping a German woman. She was crying, screaming NEIN! NEIN! NEIN!
...So one of them left.

Guy goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist where he can find the condoms. The pharmacist points toward the display and the guy stand there for a minute and then comes back to ask,
"Which ones do you think would be best for my 10 year old daughter?"
The pharamacist is apalled and asks, "Is your 10 year old really sexually acitve?"
The guy says, "Nah - she just lays there like her mother

bulaperry
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Re: free shit jokes and stuff

Postby bulaperry » Sun Jun 15, 2008 12:30 pm

3 snails are crossing the road. A car comes along & runs over one the snails. The first snail says to the second snail: "How's your flatmate?"

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haiku terror shades
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Re: free shit jokes and stuff

Postby haiku terror shades » Fri Jun 20, 2008 8:41 pm

Wanda the Fish wrote:Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: Unique up on it!

Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A: The tame way!

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furious george
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Re: free shit jokes and stuff

Postby furious george » Thu Jul 03, 2008 2:17 pm

Image
Dr. Zoidberg wrote:Help! Friends! A guinea pig tricked me!

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Danny-Boy
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Re: free shit jokes and stuff

Postby Danny-Boy » Thu Aug 07, 2008 10:26 pm

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused.

When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this, when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to sm ile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself. But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear rubber could have prevented this accident'... I just lost it.'

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PertHJ
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Re: free shit jokes and stuff

Postby PertHJ » Thu Aug 07, 2008 11:34 pm

haha you followed the link

good cunt
http://hungjurynz.bandcamp.com/
http://www.discogs.com/user/pertHJ

Drinking beers, hell yeah!! Smoking dope, KICK TO THROAT!!

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YULE
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Re: free shit jokes and stuff

Postby YULE » Fri Aug 08, 2008 1:55 am

Three pregnant women were waiting in the doctor's waiting room for an prenatal check-up and were all knitting garments for there respective babies. Suddenly the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one...

"What was that?", the other two ask, curiously.


"Calcium tablet. Good for mommy, good for little baby", she replies, patting her stomach affectionately.


Satisfied, all 3 continue with their knitting...


5 minutes later, the second one stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..


"What was that?", the other two enquire


"Vitamin tablet", she replies, "Good for mommy, good for little baby" and she pats her stomach affectionately.


All 3 smile and continue busily with their knitting...


5 minutes later, the last woman stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..


"What was that?" ask the other two..


"Thalidomide. I can't knit sleeves..."

bulaperry
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Re: free shit jokes and stuff

Postby bulaperry » Sat Aug 09, 2008 12:25 pm

How do you get a Goth down from a tree?


You cut the rope.

bulaperry
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Re: free shit jokes and stuff

Postby bulaperry » Sat Aug 09, 2008 12:28 pm

Why did the Pope have the papal ceremony at Randwick Racecourse?


Because it was the only place he could mount a 6 year old and still be legal.
Last edited by bulaperry on Sat Aug 23, 2008 1:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Horus
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Re: free shit jokes and stuff

Postby Horus » Sat Aug 09, 2008 12:58 pm

^ LOAL

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Horus
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Re: free shit jokes and stuff

Postby Horus » Wed Aug 13, 2008 2:44 pm

A small boy goes in to a butcher's shop, and says:

"Mum says can we please have a sheep's head, and you're to leave the eyes in coz it's got to see us through the week."

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vibri
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Re: free shit jokes and stuff

Postby vibri » Sun Jul 26, 2009 2:48 pm

why did the scarecrow win an award?

it was outstanding in it's field!



why can't you trick an aborted fetus?

it wasnt born yesterday!
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Dead Kid
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Re: free shit jokes and stuff

Postby Dead Kid » Tue Jul 28, 2009 11:01 am

Why are women in Saudi Arabia like photographs?

Because they're kept in a dark room while they're still developing.
"So you think you're floating in mint sauce son"


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