PunkAs.com

I had a dream my band was playing at some festival in Auckland, and I was trying to call this chick up there who I think is all that. Then it got attacked by Blake’s 7 style storm troopers and we ended up in an underground resistance cell, but I was really pissed off and anxious because I couldn’t f...

Imagine going back in time to the dawn of Punkas and attempting to explain 2018 to everyone.

Lobsters.

They must have talked shit about his lobster.

Yep. My leg has always been a bit fucked and it started doing fucky things about ten years ago now. These days if I do a mission like that I’m limping for the next two or three days.

Holy fuck yes.

Nasty. I missed the last Orbiter after band practice last week and ended up hiking to the other side of town and put my hip out. Was hobbling around for days.

Oh my fuck. People I don’t like are using the same medium to communicate as me. Might as well smash my computer too.

He fucked a lobster and it died.

I heard he actually fucked a lobster.

Siobhan Fahey was a fucking Fox. Still is.

In my experience French chicks tend to be really cool but the blokes are precious little bitches.

They’re so sophisticated over there.

*fapping intensifies*

I’ve got a warm front.

Jizz on my face

I judiciously applied a beer bottle to one of the feral inbred Nazis you only find in parts of Christchurch for attacking my mate on our own fucking front lawn circa ‘97 or ‘98. I’d actually had previous dealings with him going right back to primary school. He was already a pointlessly violent piece...

I should have just taken to them with my already dying laptop.

THIS IS FOR THE HOLOCAUST YOU ARYAN COCKSUCKERS.

YES. Like the cunts who came up to me in the library when I was living there and loudly asked me where to score weed whilst I was minding my own business which resulted in unwelcome attention from the authorities for me and bugger all for them, the sausage munching fucks.

This needs to be presented as a Star Wars opening crawl.

Everything

The wickerman is an open secret. We’ve got to strike fear into the hearts of outsiders somehow.

We should drag you behind a tractor and put you in the wickerman for revealing such sacred mysteries to outsiders.

You treacherous swine. Leave the South Island immediately.

Saw it and loved it.

The milking scene was my favourite and I really need to find someone willing to dress up as one of those aliens for reasons.

We only jizz in them if we’re serving them to Aucklanders.

We’ve got Pepe’s in Christchurch. Not bad.

Are there Mexicali branches in NZ now?

If I was deliberately trying to wind a lot of people up in the name of chucking the golden apple that kind of ridiculous logo is exactly what I’d go for.